Fire Emblem 8 By A Guy Who Never Played Fire Emblem 8
by Dr-J33
Summary: Twins Erika and Ephraim set out on a quest to repair their father's sacred stones or something. I never played this game before so for all I know it could be a prequel to Radiant Dawn. Rated T for language and crude humor. Actually no don't read this thing, go outside, read a book, write a book, become a book; this story is a waste of your time.
1. I rip off Obsidian Wasp

A long time ago in a galaxy right here in the kingdom of Magvel or whatever the heck it's called King Erika and Ephraim's father called for his son Ephraim the Mary Sue and Erika the Peaceful.

"Why did you summon us father?" Asked Ephraim.

"My children, I have an important task for you..." replied King Erika and Ephraim's father "the sacred stones, the family jewels have been shattered..."

"Not the sacred stones!" Said Erika "If they are broken then we can never defeat the demon king!"

"No not that sacred stone Erika I'm talking about my nuts, Lyon's dad kicked me in the nards and broke them!"

"Are we allowed to talk about those in a Nintendo property?" Asked Ephraim

"Well if FE4 can get away with incest and being burnt alive then I think we can get away with me talking about my junk for three lines." Said King Erika and Ephraim's father. "Now I've summoned you both here with an important mission..."

"Anything father." Said Ephraim

"You must find out how to fix the sacred stones, the kingdom depends on it."

"But father I don't think the two of us can do it alone." Said Erika

"Erika you do kind of suck but you are also good with that giant sewing needle of yours..." said King Erika and Ephraim's father

"You mean the rapier?"

"That too. And Ephraim has Sue powers and his mother's skill with a pole, albeit in a different way than her."

"It's a Lance..."

"And I'll be sending our best knight Seth to aid you, however you need more allies than just him..."

"Are you sure? I think Seth could solo the game." Said Erika.

"GO MY CHILDREN GATHER ALLIES AND FIND THE MEANS TO REPAIR THE SACRED STONES AND SAVE OUR KINGDOM!"

And so they left with Seth who was there the entire time, setting out on a grad journey to repair the sacred stones.

* * *

The trio of warriors walked through the forest together.

"Brother do you truly think we can save father's stones?" Asked Erika

"I'm sure of it adorable little sister WHO I LOVE PLATONICALLY AS A SIBLING AND NOT AS A LOVER. After all I don't pick fights I can't win. Right Seth?"

"This is my only line of dialogue in the entire story." Said Seth as he slowly became irrelevant.

"Exactly! Wait look! Over there!" Said Erika pointing to the sky.

From the sky landed Tana and her brother Innes on the back of Tana's Pegasus: Rainbow Dash.

"It's our childhood friends siblings Tana and Innes!" Said Erika.

"Hey double E!" Sad Tana "we heard what happened with the sacred stones so we came to help."

Innes crossed his arms and looked away,

"It's not like I'm doing this because I like you guys or anything..." he muttered.

"I'm glad to have you on board." Said Ephraim "I trust you'll have our backs in combat."

"Oh I got your entire backside Ephraim." Said Tana seductively.

"What was that?"

"A line of dialogue establishing that I have romantic feelings for you."

"Oh okay."

"Enough talking let's go see if that nearby village has anything to help us in our quest!" Said Erika

"ADVENTURE"

And so the four friends and Seth continued to the next town over.

* * *

The group arrived in town, which was full of generic npcs and backgrounds copy pasted from FE6.

"We made it!" Said Erika. "Now let's see if we can't find any info on the sacred stones."

"Did somebody say sacred stones!?"

The group was approached by two individuals, one a large muscular child carrying a steel axe and the other a middle aged man with long hair and a mustache with purple skin dressed in the robes of the Duma faithful.

"Do you know something about the sacred stones?" Asked Tana.

"That we do." Said the boy. "My name is Ross, the best character in the game apparently and this is my dad, Garcia of the Duma faithful. Say Hi dad."

"GLORY TO LORD DUMA! MAY HIS REIGN LAST A THOUSAND YEARS!"

"Anyways, we know where to find an expert on sacred stones, and we'll gladly take you to him."

"Then lead the way." Said Innes "If you want to... I don't care either way. (I secretly do)."

"Oh sure, but first did you want to stay at our place for dinner?" Asked Ross

"As long as whatever we're having is a Vegan." Said Erika.

"HERITIC!" Screamed Garcia.

"Oh it's fine we're having Pizza."

"Oh boy I sure do love Pizza." Said Ephraim.

"With extra pineapple."

"..."

Moments later the group stared at the burning remains of the village, which was destroyed in a pineapple fueled rampage by Ephraim (Seth helped), killing Ross and Garcia in the process. Amelia died too, I needed to put her in the fic somewhere so I figured I'd put her here.

"Ephraim you killed our lead!" Said Erika

"Any man who'd put pineapple on pizza is no better than a monster." Said Ephraim. "They are absolutely..."

Ephraim squinted his eyes and posed dramatically.

"Disgusting."

Tana took a step back and swooned.

"I love it when he calls things disgusting..." thought Tana "It makes me love him even more."

"But Ephraim, violence is bad!" Said Erika, absentmindedly killing a barbarian as she spoke. "We must solve things peacefully."

"But I don't do peace sister, I'm a killing machine fueled by memes and Plot armor."

"Let's try the next town." Said Innes "there might be someone there who can help us find what we need."

"Good thinking Innes." Said Erika "You're so smart."

"B-Baka..."

So they left the burning wreck of the town behind, moving on to the next town.

* * *

The next town was being attacked by monsters.

"OH NO THE TOWN IS BEING ATTACKED BY MONSTERS!" Shouted a pedestrian.

The five charged into battle, Ephraim fighting off centaurs and cyclopses with his Mary Sue powers while Tana stood behind him to grind support bonuses. Innes just shot at everything, Seth killed stuff, and Erika attempted to reason with the monsters.

"Please we don't need to fight, we can live in harmony." Said Erika "we can coex-"

A skeleton tried to bite Erika only for her to pull off its skill and bash its body to dust with it.

"Coexist together... oh wait it's dead. War is horrible isn't it? Taking away lives that have already been lived."

"There's so many monsters!" Said Innes

"Yeah if only there was somebody to instantly destroy all the monsters and convey valuable plot info." Said Tana

Then all the monsters got noscoped by fireballs.

"What the?"

"Did_sum1_call_for_ _bada$$_Magic_user?"

Xx_Loot_xX has entered the lobby.

"Who are you?" Asked Ephraim

"I_am_Xx_Loot_xX, the_best_mage_around. And_this_scrub_here_is_Arthur."

Arthur stepped out from behind Xx_Loot_xX wearing glasses and a yellow shirt.

"Hi I'm Arthur. I'm a healer."

"I_heard_U_were_l00king_4_info_on_The_Sacred_Stones._I_Can _Help."

"That's great!" Said Erika. "Wait, do you like pineapple on your pizza?"

"_What_am_I? Sum_Kind_of_Noob? Of_Course_Not."

"Glad to have you on board." Said Ephraim

"follow_Us_We'll_take_u_to_teh_expert_on_Sacred_Stones."

And so the Mary Sue the Pacifist, the pegasister, the tsundere, and Seth followed the gamer and her friend.

* * *

 _I have lost control of my life. What even is this? What am I? Is this how I'm using my creative writing degree? I could be making the next great American epic but here I am writing this thing..._


	2. Who the hell is Myrrh

Xx_Loot_xX led them to a wooden hut in the middle of the forest.

"This is it." Said Arthur "The sacred stone expert is here."

The door opened and Lyon stepped out.

"I thought I told you two to stop coming here." Said Lyon "Oh Hi Erika, Ephraim."

"Hey Lyon."

"U_Know_This_Bloke?"

"Yeah he's a prince and also our friend." Said Erika.

Lyon nodded.

"The two of us go way- THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT WILL QUENCH MY THIRST- back."

"So you're the sacred stone expert Lyon." Said Tana

"Is that supposed to impress me?" Asked Innes "(because it totally does)."

"I've done research into sacred stones before and I can help you fix your kingdom's stones." said Lyon "It's simple really, first you must-BRING ME A THOUSAND VIRGINS- Find the magic keystone in the desert, after that you must perform the ritual of the five kingdoms using the sacred relics. And then finally you must make the ultimate selfless sacrifice, only then can you fix the sacred stones."

"Wow thanks for the help Lyon." Said Erika "You're such a good friend."

"Is that all I'l ever be Erika, a friend? What if I wanted to be more? What if I wanted to stay by your side as a lover, to unite our kingdoms in marriage... to be together forever..."

Lyon realized nobody was listening to him as they were distracted with support conversations with the exception of Seth who was irrelevant.

"*Sigh* some day Erika... someday I'll -LAY THIS WORLD TO WASTE- tell you how I feel."

"Well guys, let's go to the desert and find the keystone." Said Ephraim.

"Can we come too?" Asked Arthur

"I_Want_2_B_relevant_In_The_Story." Said Xx_Loot_xX

"Sure things." Said Erika "We needed a healer and a mage anyways."

"Sw33t"

Xx_Loot_xX and Arthur have joined the party (insert crosshairs and air horns here)

"Let us not waste any more time!" Said Ephraim "ONWARDS!"

The party went to the desert.

* * *

The party wandered the desert miserably.

"Oh god I forgot how much desert levels suck in Fire Emblem games!" Said Erika "Why are they always in every game for some reason..."

"Even my Sue powers are useless on desert terrain." Said Ephraim. "Tana can you rescue me since you aren't affected by the terrain?"

"Yeah just stay right behind me." Said Tana in the most non platonic way she could without making this story M rated.

But before that could happen a squad of mercenaries and their leader: Red haired mercenary man rushed in.

"There they are!" Said Red haired mercenary man "the royals of that kingdom we're trying to take over! Let's destroy them!"

"Not so fast!"

Joshua emerged from the sand and adjusted his hat.

"Wait are you my son or something?" Asked Red haired mercenary man "We look suspiciously similar."

"I might be, or perhaps I am Joshua! The mysterious and charming blade master with a serious gambling addiction that's putting me further and further into debt every single day!"

"I'm confused." Said Arthur "Is the mercenary guy trying to kill us?"

"Do not harm these fine travelers or else I will show you my true power of blades!" Said Joshua

"Then where's your sword?" Asked a mercenary

"I don't have one." Said Joshua.

Joshua threw his hat at the mercenaries, causing sawblades to emerge from the hat and cut down every mercenary except Red haired mercenary man.

"Okay that was actually kind of cool." Said Ephraim.

"But violence is bad!" Said Erika.

A dying mercenary crawled over to Erika

"Please save me... I sorry for my actions and I-"

"Ew Spider."

Erika curb stomped the merc's head, finishing him off. Joshua caught his hat and put it back on.

"Now Red haired mercenary man, time for me to exact my revenge."

"Revenge for what?" Asked Red haired mercenary man

Joshua shrugged

"I dunno, killing my mom or something."

"Wait! He might know where the keystone is!" Said Ephraim.

"Uh yeah I totally know where that is." Said Red haired mercenary man

"Tell us where it is!" Said Innes.

"I'll tell you if you kill that guy with the hat."

"I have a Name you know!" Shouted Joshua

"Well so do I but you don't see the author using it do you!" Shouted Red haired mercenary man

"Oh that's all, yeah I can do that." Said Ephraim as he drew his Lance.

"You will? Wow I didn't think that would work." Muttered Red haired mercenary man

"Yeah I mean I barely know the guy and you have valuable information. Fair trade." Said Ephraim.

"Brother no!" Erika shouted

Erika got between Ephraim and Joshua.

"He saved our lives! We can't just kill him in cold blood."

"We actually could have taken care of ourselves." Said Tana "I mean the help was appreciated but..."

"No we can't kill him!" Said Erika "Ephraim put down the lance and Xx_Loot_xX put down the fireball!"

Xx_Loot_xX frowned and called off her fireball.

"Fine_..._I_Guess_I'll_Go_Drink_A_Mountain_Dew_or_Something."

Ephraim shook his head.

"I don't like this guy beloved sister who I'm proud of AND NOT ATTRACTED TO. The way he rose from the sand all dirty was absolutely... d-"

"HOLD YOUR CATCHPHRASES!"

L'arachel rode in on her horse, posing dramatically as her steed came to a halt.

"I L'arachel have come to smite evil in the name of god and anime!" She shouted "Now you red haired mercenary man! Your end has come!"

"It's L'arachel! Our old friend from childhood from another land!" Shouted Tana

"But L'arachel! Your a healer! You can't fight!" Said Innes

"Things have changed Innes!" Shouted L'arachel "I have learned to master a new form of magic unlike anything you've seen before! Now behold the might of my steel tome!"

L'arachel pulled out a modern day handgun, chambered a round and shot Red haired mercenary man in the knee, sending him onto the ground.

"AH! My knee! You shot my knee! Oh gods this hurts!"

"Justice has been served!"

"This is perfect L'arachel!" Said Erika "Now we can interrogate him for the location of the keystone!"

L'arachel gave the group a solemn look.

"There is no keystone" said L'arachel.

"HUWHAAAAAATTTTT?"

"That's the real reason I'm here." Said L'arachel "Lyon has deceived you all."

"Yeah it's true." Said Red haired mercenary man "I was ordered by him to mbush and murder all of you with the exception of Erika... okay did you put salt on the bullet because this wound stings."

"But Lyon would never betray us!" Said Erika in disbelief "He's our friend!"

"The Lyon you know is no more." Said Joshua "He's possessed by an unspeakable evil or something. Either that or hes very mad about that 4th Power Puff girl they're adding. I bet it's the second thing."

"Wait there's more!" Said L'arachel "You see Lyon's kingdom is also responsible for breaking the stones in the first place and he's holding the secret to fixing them, in his castle."

"Well in that case we'll get our answers from the source." Said Ephraim "If Lyon is deceiving us then that would be absolutely..."

Ephraim took a deep breath.

"D

I

S

G

U

S

T

I

N

G."

Tana swooned once more

"Yeah let's go to... crap what was the name of Lyon's kingdom?" Asked Innes

"I dunno, Nohr?" Said Red haired mercenary man "Ow this bullet wound stings."

"Yeah Nohr!" Said Tana "Let's go there and fix our stones!"

"Be warned my friends, once we arrive we'll have to get through his four dragon generals." Said L'arachel

"Uh I'm a general." Said Red haired mercenary man

L'arachel pointed her gun at Red haired mercenary man's head and finished him off with another shot.

"Three dragon generals."

"That's probably not the actual name for them but yeah let's do it!" Said Arthur

Xx_LooT_xX finished her Mountain Dew and nodded.

"Yeah_Lets_Crush_Th0se_Dastards."

"Please allow me to accompany you." Said Joshua "My bladed hat is yours to command."

"I don't know, we kinda have a lot of units already..." said Ephraim. "Do you have any other talents?"

"Does losing all my money in a bet count as a talent?"

"Maybe but what else do you got?"

"I have a Crunchyroll premium account."

"Crunchyroll!? You mean the anime streaming service that brings all your favorite anime to your tv computer and mobile device?" Said Ephraim "Including great titles like Boku no Hero Academia, Toradora, and Kobayashi's Dragon Maid!?"

"The very same." Said Joshua. "And if you use the code FESS you can get a free 30 day trial."

"Well this changes everything Joshua, welcome to the team!"

"I think you just ruined the continuity with that advertisement." Said Erika.

"And L'arachel coming in with a gun didn't break continuity?"

"True..."

"ITS A STEEL TOME GET IT RIGHT"

* * *

 _I wrote this entire story in an evening. There were so many other things I could have done with my time but I wrote this instead. It's bullshit but do you know what else is bullshit? Oscar in Fire emblem heroes. He has nothing new to bring to the table: no new skills, no new weapons, just pain. And why does the banner only have three characters? Why not a full and balanced four? And where is Zihark? I want more myrmidons in this game._


	3. Valter is in this chapter

After a long journey that the writer can't be bothered to detail, the group arrived at the gates of Nohr castle where Lyon and his dad lived.

"This is it." Said Ephraim "Castle Crackerbarrel. In here lies Lyon and the secret to fixing the sacred stones."

"Then let's go in and end this." Said Tana

"NOT SO FAST!"

Valter landed in front of the group on his wyvern and gave a creepy smile.

"I am Valter, the first of the fou-er three generals." Said Valter "My favorite food is roasted Capybara and my hobbies are kicking puppies and stabbing children."

Careful this guy is creepy..." Said Erika

"Hey there little lady, your a cutie." Said Valter

"And now I want to boil my ears..."

"You fiend! Nobody harasses my adorable little sister and gets away with it!" Shouted Epheraim "AND DID I MENTION THAT I DONT LIKE HER ROMANTICALLY!"

"Less talking more fighting!" Yelled Valter

Valter and Ephraim engaged in battle with their lances but it ended up looking like that picture of those two guys dueling with golf clubs, but with lances.

"Stay away from my sister!"

"When did this become about her!? I'm here to kill all of you equally!"

"This is kinda boring." Said L'arachel. "Like watching tennis."

"I got this." Said Innes

Innes fired an arrow from his bow, taking out Valter's wyvern and knocking him out the ground.

"Arrows! One of my two weaknesses!"

"Whats the second weakness?" Asked Arthur.

Valter looked at Erika and smiled warmly at her.

"Those gorgeous blue eyes..."

Erika drew her rapier and stabbed Valter 17 times in the chest killing him.

"That takes care of that." Said Erika. "Now let's go inside."

They opened the castle doors and stepped inside. From there they walked down the hall until they reached a set of double doors.

"We must use caution." Said L'arachel "Up ahead is Selena, one of the generals. She is very powerful and very loyal to her nation...

"So we can't talk it out with her..." said Erika

"I'm afraid not."

Innes opened the door and looked inside. Standing at the opposite end of the room was a girl with long red hair done into twin tails holding a sword.

"I know why you are here... but I'm afraid you'll go no further..."

The girl turned around to glare at the group.

"You big dummies. I'm Selena, and you'll all die in this room."

Joshua stepped in no took off his hat.

"A fellow blade user I see. Then I Joshua shall be your opponent!"

"Bring it you loser!"

The two redheads clashed blades dramatically in an anime sword fight that lasted three episodes plus a filler arc.

"You fight well, who taught you?" Asked Joshua.

"My mother. And you?"

"My mother."

"... redheads..."

"... unresolved mommy issues?"

"WHY ARE WE SO SIMILAR!?"

"I KNOW RIGHT!?"

They stopped fighting and looked at each other.

"Redheads skilled with bladed weapons with mommy issues!" They said Simultaneously

They two engaged in a complex secret handshake.

"So we cool?"

"Yeah we're cool." Said Selena. "Go on ahead, not that I care or anything."

"I appreciate this." Said a Innes "But don't go getting the wrong idea or anything."

The two tsunderes smiled at each other.

"Baka."

And so the group continued onwards.

"I liked her she was nice." Said Joshua.

"Same." Added Innes "But I feel like something was off about that fight."

"Yeah."

The continued onwards until they reached another door.

"Careful." said Arthur "There could be another general behind this door so let's try-"

"GG_Get_Rekt!"

Xx_Loot_xX blew the door apart with magic as MLG sound effects blared from somewhere.

"XX_LOOT_XX WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" Shouted Arthur

"I'm_Not_Scared_Of_Some_Scrub_With_A_Fancy_Title." Said Xx_Loot_xX "I_Have_Tenth_Prestige_And_I'm_ _N tur l_Quickscoper. The_General_Should_Be_afraid _Of_me."

Everyone stepped into the room where Riev stood menacingly. (Jojo sfx included)

"So you have defeated Valter and That red haired guy..." said Riev "I am Riev, the final and strongest of the generals!"

"Riev? Is that you?" Asked L'arachel

"Oh hi L'arachel, long time no see. How are your parents doing?"

"Oh ya know, still dead."

"That's nice... so why are you here?"

"Well we're here to find the means to repair the sacred stones, possibly kill Lyon."

"Right. Well unfortunately that won't be doable because THIS ROOM WILL BE YOUR TOMB!"

Xx_Loot_xX charged up a fireball.

"Repent_Mother-"

Xx_Loot_xX launched the fireball at Riev, only for it to do nothing.

0 damage

"Wat_The_H3ll? Hax!"

"Yeah I'm using hacks." Said Riev "But I'm also a master of magic! Now behold my ultimate spell!"

Riev pulled out a handgun and shot Seth in the shoulder, knocking him onto the ground.

"Oh gods was that a gun?!" Shouted Arthur

"It's a steel tome get it right!"

"So you too know the power of the steel tome." Said L'arachel as she loaded a fresh magazine into her handgun.

"Your parents taught you well young L'arachel... now let us see who is the true master mage here!"

The two mages fired at each other with their guns, missing every shot until they had ran out of ammunition, at which point they would reload and continue shooting until they were ankle deep in gun magazines.

"I commend your skill with the steel tome little girl." Said Riev

"Same to you." Replied L'arachel.

Ephraim rolled his eyes.

"Wait couldn't we just gang up on him?" Asked Tana.

"... good point." Said Ephraim.

As Larachel loaded another magazine into her gun the rest of the group rushed in and stabbed a Riev repeatedly.

"GAH MY SPINE!"

Riev collapsed onto the ground and Erika collapsed onto her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh gods why must there be so much violence... he could have been saved..."

"Help me..." choked Riev.

Erika shrieked and picked up Riev's pistol, firing several rounds into him.

"The grim reality of war..." Erika sobbed.

Ephraim spat on Riev's corpse.

"Such a...Disgusting man."

"Have my children." Thought Tana as she swooned once more.

* * *

At last they reached the throne room, where dangling from the ceiling was a cage with a gnoll inside (they're Hyena people from Dungeons and dragons, look them up.)

"Why is that creature in a cage?" Asked Tana

"That's what I want to know" said the Gnoll

"D-Did it just talk?" Asked Joshua

"Oh I should introduce myself. I'm Knoll, the leading expert on fixing Sacred stones."

"Wait, you're a stone repair man?" Asked Erika

"Yeah why? Got some stones in need of fixing."

"Erika my sister we found it! We can save the sacred stones!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!"

Lyon teleported into the room.

"Hello friends."

* * *

 _I didn't want to upload this chapter for another couple hours but I have a flight today that leaves in a few hours. I didn't get much notice ahead of time so I'm scrambling to get this up. Next chapter is the last. Buy Crunchyroll Premium._


	4. The end

"Lyon what is the meaning of this!?" Asked Erika.

"You know what it means." Said Lyon

"So you're behind everything then." Said Ephraim

"Indeed I am NOT EVEN GOD CAN SAVE YOU NOW Ephraim."

"But why Lyon, why did you break the sacred stones!?" Asked Erika

"Because I was tired of hearing your father go on and on about his sacred stones!" Said Lyon "Its just not right for anyone to talk about their stones do much!"

"It is kind of annoying actually." Said Tana

"It honestly is." Added Innes

"I'm surprised nobody brought it up sooner." Said L'arachel

"Also the demon possessing me wants to destroy the world." Said Lyon.

"What."

Lyon's eyes turned red and he floated up into the air glowing with purple energy.

"I WILL FEAST UPON YOUR FLESH MORTALS!"

Arthur whipped out a cross and waved it at Lyon.

"THE POWER OF WHATEVER GOD I WORSHIP COMPELS YOU!"

"FOOL I AM BEYOND YOUR PUNY RELIGION!" Lyon bellowed "I AM A GOD! I AM ALL KNOWING! NOTHING IS SECRET TO ME!"

Everyone looked in horror

"I hope he doesn't know I find Erika slightly attractive." Thought Ephraim

"I hope the demon doesn't know that I like to pretend that I'm a blindfolded android with a katana in my spare time." Thought Erika

"I hope he doesn't know that I stole this hat idea from a James Bond villain." Thought Joshua

"I_Hope_This_Bloke_Doesnt_Know_That_I_Used_COD_Tutorial_Vids..."

"I KNOW ALL OF THOSE THINGS!"

"DAMN IT!"

L'arachel drew her gun and fired it at Lyon, only for the bullets to ricochet off him.

"WHAT PART OF I'M A GOD DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!? I AM POWERFUL I AM UNKILLABLE! I AM-"

Xx_Loot_xX blasted Lyon with a fireball, not affecting him in the slightest.

"1_V_1_Me_M8!"

"PUNY HUMANS STOP RESISTING!"

"There has to be a way to stop him..." muttered Innes.

"Uh I haven't hit him yet, we could try that." Said Epheraim.

"I don't see how that would be any different but-"

"SUE POWERS!"

Epheraim punched Lyon in the face, sending him onto the ground where he hit his neck against a randomly placed stool breaking it and killing him.

"Good thing I'm a Mary Sue. Right guys?"

"Oh gods... Lyon." Sobbed Erika "We killed our best friend..."

Erika collapsed to her knees and continued sobbing into Lyon's corpse as Ephraim smiled.

"Alright, now let's get Knoll out of his cage so we can repair the sacred stones.

L'arachel shot down the cage and Joshua opened it up, letting Knoll out.

"Thank you, my former Master Lyon was mad with power, he-"

"Don't care journey over." Said Ephraim.

"Fine ignore the cool backstory, see if I care." Knoll muttered.

And so the group departed, leaving behind an empty castle, some dead bodies, and a story to be passed down for generations.

Also a leaderless country that would plunge into Chaos

* * *

EPILOUGE

Ephraim eventually stepped down from being a Mary Sue in order to succeed his father as the king of wherever the twins live. The only thing more memorable than his reign was his catchphrase, which lives on to this very day.

Erika dedicated her life to opposing war and violence. Whenever tensions were high and people plotted to rebel Erika would kill them all before they could commit any violent acts. She never got over Lyon's death.

King Erika and Ephraim's father was ecstatic when his sacred stones were repaired. A week later he succumbed to anime dad syndrome and died.

Seth eventually became relevant again and served Erika and Ephraim until the day he died. Just kidding he never dies. Seth is immortal.

Tana eventually got her S support with Ephraim and ruled beside him as his queen. Things were great until their child from the future arrived. Then it became weird.

Innes overcame his tsundereness and became king of his land. He wasn't a very good one though as he plunged his kingdom into a dark age, accidentally killing thousands. He is remembered as the blood king Innes.

Ross miraculously survived the destruction of his village and sought revenge against Ephraim for his father's death. What resulted was an epic battle between best unit and Mary Sue. It is believed that Ross lost the battle.

Xx_Loot_xX continued noscoping scrubs and pwning noobs as she had done before. However her reputation took a blow after it was discovered that she co-owned a Counterstrike gambling site with her secret lover Arthur.

Arthur wrote a book about his life that got adapted into a kids tv show. However it was nothing like the book at all and he received no royalties from the show. It was dumb, they made him an aardvark or something.

Lyon is dead. There is no epilogue entry for him here.

Joshua returned home to discover that his mother was alive all along. Turned out she was hungover in the closet the entire time. Also that mercenary was his dad after all. Joshua didn't care though, he was a jerk anyways.

L'arachel became the pope. That is not a good thing you should be terrified. She has all that power now it's a nightmare man a freaking nightmare!

Selena took advantage of Lyon's death and became the queen of Nohr for a good two weeks before her mother found out and dragged her home. In her absence the kingdom destroyed itself in violent riots and rebellions.

Lyon'd dad could no longer rule because I forgot to put him in the story. He wandered into the desert and got into a knife fight with a five year old girl, suffering a humiliating defeat.

Knoll ventured out into the world to uncover the secrets of dark magic. He didn't get very far though because a party of level five adventurers killed him for his loot.

Franz wasn't in this story.

Dr-J33 was lynched by the Fire Emblem fandom for butchering the plot and characters of Sacred Stones in this story. They all agreed however that it was still better than the Etruria arc in FE6.

* * *

 _What are you doing here? The story is over, go home. Thanks for reading this... thing and I'll see you next time hopefully._


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